puppies: i feel like i have toddlers

Not that I want kids ANY time soon, but last night was a testimony to my belief that having the two puppies that I have give you a little bit of an idea of what having babies of the human variety is like! 

A shot of the two innocent darlings in action:)

So, let me chronicle last night for you. You tell me how much this sounds like I'm raising human toddlers, not little doggies. For bedtime, we like to have a routine in place to get them to calm down and realize they will have to go to bed soon. Before heading upstairs, I offer them the opportunity to go outside and potty. Usually, one of the two scampers off to his/her half of the yard (yes, they have an invisible line of pee property drawn, and what do you know - Penny's "half" is bigger) and does his/her business. The other one sits by the door staring at me, beckoning for me to let him/her in. 

After that, we go upstairs and brush teeth. Tyler and I each take one dog and get those chompers shining pearly white. They LOVE this. Mostly because they love to do anything that the other one is doing. Penny used to not be a big fan of  brushing her teeth, but once we got Gryffin...if HE was getting HIS teeth brushed, then OF COURSE she wanted HER teeth brushed. 

After that, mom and dad get ready for bed while they run around getting their last few nips and tackles out of the way. Then we take them downstairs for one more potty - every night in hopes that they will sleep ALL the way through the night, not just til 5am. At this point, they know it's kind of "last call," so they both dutifully trot and gallop (Penny and Gryffin's preferred styles of walking, respectively) to their sides of the yard and get their business done. 

They then come inside and race upstairs - everything is a competition between those two..."sibling rivalry" very much exists in this house. Gryffin immediately puts himself to bed, either on his bed or Penny's bed, while Penny sits like a coiled spring ready to pop while she waits for me to invite her on the bed. Once Penny soars up on the bed (she literally flies like a reindeer, nothing but air), Gryffy pulls himself up to the side of the bed and waits for me to give him a little boost on to the bed. While he is capable of making it onto the bed, he only does it like 1 out of 10 tries...let's just say he doesn't have the same sense of grace with ease Penny has. One of them always decides to start a tussle with the other, but they do seem to fairly alternate in playing this role of the instigator or "shit-starter" as we lovingly refer to them. So, Tyler and I each take a pup and kind of force-cuddle them until they calm down and forget about fighting. Penny usually darts under the blankets and curls up at our feet, while Gryffy prefers to stay up between our heads, just in case there is ANY chance to kiss one of us on the mouth. He LOVES kissing. And of course I mean kissing of the French variety, if he has any choice in the matter. 

We allow them to snuggle for 10 - 20 minutes while Tyler and I wind down ourselves and chat about the day and the days to come, our distant futures, and the dreams they hold. Eventually, I start to slur my words or say something incoherent, and that means it's time to send the dogs to bed because I'm about to pass out. We kiss their foreheads, tell them "time to go night night," and watch as they hop off of our bed and onto their own on the floor. 

Peace and quiet ensues :)

Unless...

We are sleeping with the window open and they hear a sound. Like a car. Or a neighbor outside. Or another dog. Then our fierce guard dogs perk right up in defense mode and make a little cacophonous chorus of barks, grumbles, yelps, and growls. We shut the window, and repeat the send-off to bed. Kissing of the foreheads and saying "time to go night night."

Calm. 

Until...

One of them needs to go potty or throws up. Penny is GUARANTEED to get up sometime between 3 and 5 am. Gryffin is never the one to wake up, he has an iron bladder. It starts by me hearing the soft padding of her feet pacing around the room. Then she shakes her head. Her ears flop. Then she shakes her head again. And her ears flop and flap back and forth against her head. Have you seen this dog's ears?

Yeah, they are noisy!

(I'll never forget my brother's reaction to receiving this picture in a text message...he responded, "Holy Ears!") haha. 

After the head shaking she starts a low cry, almost a pony whinny, if such a thing exists. So I get out of bed and hear "thump thump" as Gryffin gets excited and his tail beats against his crate. That guy gets excited about everything! Early morning potty break commences. 

After said potty break, Gryffy goes back to bed while Penny reverts to aforementioned spring position, praying for another cuddle opportunity. Sometimes we let her up (if it's after 5am), sometimes we don't (like this morning's 3am potty break).

Some mornings, after or instead of the potty break, one of their stomachs make a churning sound. Yup, gonna throw up. Penny does this every few weeks, we think it's just in her anatomy. She throws up and is then as happy as can be. Gryffin throws up chunks of toys he has ingested. Like this morning. After the 3am potty break, I heard the churning sound at 5am. I opened Gryffin's crate to find some questionable liquids, foam, and a hot pink piece of plastic frisbee. *sigh* He was thrilled to see me and proceeded the make-out attempt. Luckily, I escaped. So, we cleaned up the mess, cleaned up Gryffin, and then let them snuggle in bed since Gryffin now had a wet bed from being cleaned. 

Penny immediately dove under the covers, turned a few circles, and plopped down. She's learned that if she causes problems, she gets kicked off, so she just stays quiet and still. Gryffin, on the other hand, takes the 5am bed invite as the perfect time to groom himself for the day. After 5 minutes of licking and scratching he quiets down and dozes off. Not without stiff-arming me in the face or back a few times. 

An hour later, Tyler gets up for school

By 8:15, the dogs have decided it's time to get up. They are legit biologically set to get up between 8 and 8:15 in the morning! They never wake me up before, and they never sleep past 8:15. haha.

That post ended up being obscenely long, I just find it funny how I feel like such a parent to my little mongrels. They're prepping us for the lack-of-sleep part of parenthood :) 

Hope you are having a wonderful week! Do you have any hilarious puppy/dog stories that make you feel like a parent? Share, if you do!

Cheers!