Friday, December 18

what makes a friend

So I am going to be honest with myself and with you and say, yes, I take things very personally. You know those certain things about your parents that you hope and pray you don't acquire? Well, my dad is a very emotional guy, and he takes everything personally! It frustrated the hell outta me growing up, but I have ended up the EXACT same way. And honestly, it's not something on the forefront of the things I'd like to change about myself.

With that said, part of me being someone who takes things really personally means that I take friendship really seriously. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to invest my time and energy into a friendship and then expect nothing back. I truly see friendship as a relationship - a two-way road. Unfortunately for me, I have lots of "friends" who don't think the same way. So many people who I have believed love and care about me absolutely do not have the time of day for me. I'm not whining about people having zero time in their day, because we are ALL busy. I know schedules can be really incompatible at times, and it could take months to plan a time to hang out. I get that, honestly, I do. What I don't get are people who don't have time to respond to a phone call, text message, facebook wall post, or whatever. And these same people who claim to be sooooo busy and make excuse after excuse for why they haven't had time to return a text message for 5 months are spending all this time on facebook or posting photo album after photo album of wild nights out on the town. Really? That's fine if that's what you do with your free time, but at least don't lie to me about it and say you don't have any free time. Because I may be naive (see last post), but I'm not stupid. I can see on facebook when it comes onto my news feed that you have been busy with these activities. No, I'm not "Miss Social Scene" and yes, I do prefer to have an intimate dinner with close friends as opposed to going to a house party with one hundred acquaintances. There are SO many people that Tyler and I invited to our wedding because we saw them as important people in our lives. Had I known how many of them would have just disappeared out of my life...maybe we wouldn't have invited them. 

So what I'm really trying to do here is assess what it means to be a friend. This whole blogging process has not only been really therapeutic for me, but also really eye-opening. Throughout the last month, I have gotten so much love and support from my wonderful blog readers in regards to the goals I have set for myself. It's so interesting, because lately, the people who have been giving me the most of themselves and their time are people who I have always thought were really nice, but not people I really hung out with regularly. I find myself getting support from people not in my traditional "friend" category. It doesn't bother me that most of my friends don't read my blog (I definitely don't expect that!), that's not the issue, it is just making me re-think my friend category. I have gotten more words of encouragement from you all than from a lot people who have said they were a really good friend of mine. So, what makes a friend? I am finding that my "friends" aren't meeting my expectations, and my blog readers are actually my friends. So - I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been supportive and kind to me :) Love you!

And honestly, I'm not trying to come across as whiny or self-pitying at all. I am legitimately trying to just sort some things out, and find answers to these questions I have held inside for years.

Have any of you experienced this? Am I just crazy for being so frustrated with this situation that repeats itself with friend after friend? Do I need to lower my expectations of people? What do you think... 


  1. Oh my gosh, okay this blog made me teary eyed. I think of you as more of a friend than other people in my life too. I feel that from reading your blogs that I have gotten to know you more. For having high expectations, I don't know because I may have some too. But I believe that a friendship should be two-way and not just where you are the only one trying to keep the friendship in tact.

  2. I do not think you're crazy at all! I'm a lot like you in that I take things perhaps more personally than I should and I refuse to put a lot of effort into a friendship when I'm not getting anything out of it. You're being realistic and true to yourself, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Friendship is a 2-way street and yes, we are all very busy these days, but that doesn't mean each of us can't take the time for even a quick hello to let someone know we care. I don't think lowering your expectations is necessary, you're just re-evaluating your relationships with people and I think that's good. Like I said, just always be true to yourself, and you'll feel good in the end.

  3. I agree completely. I've been noticing it a lot more especially since I graduated from college. friendship should not be something out of "convenience". Like any relationship it takes two people to work on it, and you wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't return your phone calls or text messages so why would I be in a friendship with someone like that?
    That's the sad thing about growing up, you start to realize who your shallow friends were and who your real friends are.

  4. I think a lot changes as the years go by. I agree with Courtney and the "convenience" factor, and I have gotten really hurt in the past about people no longer finding being my friend convenient. I think relationships are the most important part of life, but a lot of times I get burned because that feeling isn't mutual. High expectations are important and i have also learned that setting boundaries in order to protect yourself can be very helpful. I totally get what you are saying!!

  5. Kaity!! I totally know what you're talking about. It's been very eye opening to see who are my real friends and who aren't after moving to a different continent. It really hurts when you put in a lot of effort and get nothing out of it. But hang in there and know there are always people who <3 you :)
    Happy holidays!

  6. Ladies - it makes me feel like less of a crazy person to know that there are others who are in the same boat as I am! I hold you all dear to my heart - thanks for being my friends :)

  7. Amazing from where and when one finds these revelations, huh? Seriously. Amazing.



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