my patience is running out...VERY quickly

As most of you know, I have a job that I really like. I work at a hospital on the mom/baby floor, taking care of the mothers after they deliver as well as the newborns in the well baby nursery. It is so much fun! I LOVE my coworkers, too, which I think makes all the difference in the world at a job. My pay is okay, the benefits are great...so what is the problem? As most of you also know, if there are not many babies, then I am S.O.L. and my shifts get canceled. Sometimes I am lucky and other places in the hospital need me, so I float to other floors to work. This is usually awesome because I get so much experience in other areas of medicine. And I am okay with one shift being canceled per paycheck (two weeks). But this week was a whole new ball game, not one I'm ready or willing to play...I was supposed to work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday (12 hr nights)...and I got canceled for EVERYTHING except 4 hours last night. Going from 36 hours to 4 hours on my paycheck isn't something small and insignificant. I ran out of PTO a long time ago...I feel like crying. 

I know everything happens for a reason, but I'm just wondering what God's message to me is right now. On the one hand, Tyler has been on Spring Break this week, and maybe I wasn't supposed to work so that I could spend some much needed time with him. On the other hand, maybe this is supposed to be the last straw in a series of frustrating times of being canceled from work. But this is just ridiculous. I can't be expected to be okay with it. I don't know what to do. Supposedly the slow season ends mid - April, but that still doesn't make this okay. If all you need is help May - November, then hire a seasonal CNA! I was planning on working here until hopefully getting into PA school in one year...but that means enduring another slow season of work from Nov - April next year. And who's to say I'm going to even get into PA school next year. 

I am sad, angry, and confused. Do I get a second job so I can have some sort of paycheck? But what about when work picks up and then I'd have to work 2 jobs. Do I start the hunt for a new job altogether? I suppose I could. It's just all so daunting. I finally feel like I know what's going on at work (got the job in September), and the thought of starting all that all over again just sucks. Do I just stick it out? I have been painting, and I have been thinking of setting up something on Etsy where I could sell some stuff. I'm currently painting for Sydnie's nursery, and it's really fun, so maybe have nursery/kids' room art for sale? But I have no idea how to even start that or anything, so I don't know. 

Bottom line is this, I'm frustrated and conflicted. Tyler doesn't want me to stress because technically we have his loans to live off of. It's not like I'm skipping meals because I can't afford to eat. It's interesting to feel the pressure of the provider of a family. Especially since I have two chomping puppy mouths to feed on top of it all. I'm just so worn out by this game of not knowing whether I'll have any work this week. But living off of loans isn't ideal, and it means we don't have the extra income we had planned on. That gorgeous romantic trip to Hawaii Tyler and I were going to take in August? Yeah. Not going to happen. This summer Tyler gets 10 days off from school things, and he doesn't get any more summers off for the next 3 years, so I was really hoping Hawaii would be our thing we could do together since we won't have the opportunity to travel together anytime in the near future.

Sorry if this sounds so negative. 
I'm just worn, and I don't know what to do.