Wednesday, April 20

changing my heart

Hey there guys, this post is an update on the drama that is Naggie {my neighbor}. If you're not familiar with Part One of this story, you might want to read up real quick. In short - she is a 67-year-old woman who is absolutely certain we are trying to ruin her life by playing really loud bass music all day and night. She has written letters to the HOA, called the police on us, and talks badly of us to all our other neighbors. We don't even play music. If I do, it's on my laptop, and it's not possible for it to even produce a bass sound. She also makes allegations that our dogs bark too much and that we never clean up their poop. Except for the part where we clean up the backyard every 2 days...but whatever. That's what we've been dealing with, and last week, things got HEATED over in this hood!

On Monday, April 11th, I was packing for our vacation, when I hear a knock on the door. Two police officers were standing there. Immediately I felt my blood begin to boil. I said to the officers, "I assume Naggie called the police on us for supposed bass music and dogs barking?" They chuckled and asked to come in. They started praising my dogs, asking what kind they were, saying how well-behaved they were {I am so glad they got the memo to be on their best behavior on front of police officers!!!} Anyway, the officers noted that there was no music playing and that it was really quiet in our house. Yup, as usual. The officers then mentioned that she also called the cops on Sunday, April 10th. Really? We were at the zoo all day, not even home! I told them I was literally shaking because I was so frustrated with this woman's continuing to call the police over something that isn't even happening. They gave me information for a local mediation officer, told me they were going to write up a report for the call saying that the call was "unfounded" - unnecessary and bogus pretty much. Then they left.

As I'm sitting in my house seething with anger, I see Naggie standing outside my house. She does that sometimes. Just stands there to see if she can hear music playing. I'm starting to consider it an intimidating gesture. So I open my door and step outside. She immediately retreats inside her house. I go knock on her door and ask her if I can help her with something since she was standing in front of my house. And that's when she goes berserk! 

She has always been passive with me, never directly confrontational. But today she started screaming at me, "You can't say anything to me! I'm sick of all your lies! You people play music nonstop! You played it all night Saturday night so that I was too tired to go to church Sunday! And your dogs are horrible." I'm fuming. And although my voice is shaky, I am trying my best not to yell back. But I do counter with, "Naggie. We went to bed at 10 o'clock Saturday night! And if our dogs are so horrible, why does every officer love them and state that they're merely doing their job as dogs by barking when people approach our home? If you can't handle the normal noise of having neighbors, maybe you should move." To this, she throws her hands up in the air and tells me, "Well I was here first!." Okay, are we in 1st grade? I'm well aware that you have been here tormenting other neighbors for years. I march away from her door because I'm afraid I'm going to slap an old lady, when she shouts after me, "You trashy bitch!"

Just --- wow. 

 She claims to be this admirable Christian woman going to church all the time, when really, she's one of those judgmental and higher-than-thou religious people that makes non-religious people shy away from Christianity all together. And she has the nerve to call me a trashy bitch. I probably don't even need to tell you that for the next 24 hours, I said more curse words than I have said probably in the last 6 months. I was SO. MAD. I was crying because I didn't know how else to handle my anger. And I'm sure my blood pressure was through the roof. I left a message for the mediation officer stating is was imperative that we talked and sort things out ASAP, then I tried to take a deep breath and get ready for our vacation. 

Although we had a wonderful trip to San Diego, every few hours I would think about the frustration that my situation with Naggie had brought about. She certainly affected our trip in some ways. Then we checked the mail when got home this last Sunday. Surprise, surprise. We find a letter from our HOA stating that it has come to their attention that we are not in compliance with HOA standards. It had come to their attention {I wonder how...} that we were violating these standards by playing music loudly and not picking up our dog feces. Again --- cue blood boiling and steam coming out my ears. It's no question who reported these supposed violations to our HOA. They ask you to agree to correct the issue and go on with our day. Well, no thank you. I refuse to sign a document agreeing to correct the issue when we have done nothing wrong. The only other course of action is to request a hearing with the Board of our HOA where we and the complainant { = Naggie} get together to hash it out. Sounds lovely. 

I have had it with this woman. 
She is trying any venue she can to be as annoying as possible to us. 

I get it. She's old. She's lonely. She's angry, bitter, and frustrated. Frustrated because she probably does hear noises. Whether they're in her head or she really hears music, it's not coming from us. I feel badly for her. But I'm still done with her. 

Most of the support I have gotten from friends during this time are words encouraging me to "fight back" or to "play dirty too". I must admit at first that was my plan. Fight fire with fire, right?
But then I started thinking about how draining it is to carry around that anger all the time. It's absolutely exhausting. Not to mention it affects every other area of my life to where I see things through a more pessimistic and violent lens. Which is NOT what I want.

I decided to try handling this situation differently. While I will absolutely continue to protect ourselves, doing the hearing with our HOA and continuing conversation with our mediation officer, I no longer want to let her take away my happiness. I don't want to be bitter because of her. I'd rather wash my hands clean of her negativity. Instead of narrowing my eyes, thinking thoughts of hate, and sending bad vibes her way, I decided to pray for her. I pray for her mental health. I pray that her family comes into her life and softens her up a bit. I pray she finds things to do with her time so she isn't just idle with nothing better to do than call the cops on us. I have been reading scriptures on forgiveness. And you know what? I feel so much better. I am much more calmed down. I'm not at complete peace with the situation, but I am proud to say I'm handling it with much more grace than I ever thought possible. 

Is she crazy? Mean? Bossy? Manipulative, negative, rude? Yes. She is all of those things. But if I utilize my background in psychology, and really think about the underlying reasoning for all of her behaviors, then I feel sorry for her. She's elderly. Bored. Lonely. Bitter. Confused and frustrated about this bass music that she truly believes she hears. Immaturity has no age limit, and she showed her true colors last week. But I refuse to get down on her level. I will stay above it all. 

Do any of you have any Bible readings you might suggest to help me with my efforts to forgive, and Heaven forbid, LOVE my neighbor? 



  1. Good Lord! That is one crazy lady. I hope everything gets sorted out. I think you should definitely do the mediation officer thing and have a hearing with your HOA.

    I think I would LOST IT if I had a neighbor like that! She sounds so miserable!
    I'm impressed with how you are approaching it though, you're a bigger person than I would be in that situation.

  3. Oh goodness, your neighbor sounds like a lady who does sound like she is miserable and doesn't know what else to do during the day.
    I'm also impressed with how you are dealing with your situation. I don't think that I would have the strength to be calm.
    I hope that your hearing with the HOA goes well for you guys and things get resolved so that you all don't have to deal with having the cops continue to come to your house.

  4. Kaity,

    I'm so terribly sorry for the torment that you feel. You are a bigger woman than I would be in your situation, that's for darn sure. I think it takes a big person to stand up and do the right thing and to, above all and considering everything, show love.

    ...but then again, that's EXACTLY the woman you are. It'll all work out in the end (btw, got your message today but only after you had already started your shift - let's try for tomorrow?)

    Love you,

  5. Holy cow! I cannot believe she is continuing to take her craziness to this level. I'm not sure that I would be able to be as level-headed about it all as you have been throughout this entire escapade. I know you've lost it a few times, which is to be expected, but you've always kept your cool with her. I'm so sorry you have to continue to deal with all of this crap.

  6. I realize I'm late to this party, but I just came across your blog! Definitely became your newest follower after being glued to my screen reading your "ramblings." I love it all!! So sorry you've been dealing with this sort of craziness, it never ceases to amaze me how unfortunately bittered people drown themselves in this sort of negativity. Sounds like Naggie is so deep in this negative crap, she doesn't know which way is up! Hope it's gotten better since you last posted on this. I'm looking forward to coming back by and reading more! :) Take care and don't let the crazies get you down.


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